Daily Dose of Badness
Advice from Boulder Bad Girls...
WORK
Dear Bad Girls,
I’m a mid-level manager at a high-tech company in Boston, where I have worked for several years. I have always given 110% and my department has never missed a deadline in three years. The chief operating officer (COO) has promised me a raise on several occasions over the past two months, but it has never come to fruition. Finally, I mentioned my upcoming raise to the CEO, the best friend of the COO, at a company gathering and he said I didn’t deserve one. I was taken aback. We had a shouting match at a meeting the next day, where he confirmed that I wasn’t going to get a raise. I know for a fact that the men in similar positions have received raises over the past year. I haven’t received one for two years. I want to quit without notice.
Recovering Good Girl
Dear Recovering Good Girl,
First, take a deep breath. Although this is a difficult situation, I see it as an opportunity to get on the road to bad girlhood. You are discovering, as many of us do, that being a goody two-shoes is a dead end. In fact, in many cases, it morphs you into a heavily used doormat. And, like a doormat, you feel trampled.
It appears that performance is not necessarily what matters at your company. If you want to make your current job work, you should find out what the valued currency is. If it’s playing politics, and that’s your game, ante up. But if it’s being a member of the boys club, you can’t cross over, without extensive surgical procedures.
So, I would recommend curbing your 110% to 75% and devoting the remaining 25% on finding a new job in a workplace that values both women and performance. Promoting and rewarding according to genitalia holds out little hope for those with the wrong genital makeup. In those settings, there’s no way to win when you’re not a boy.
Boulder Bad Girls
Dear Bad Girls,
I am an instructional designer for a small instructional design firm in Seattle. Recently, I received a negative review from my boss. He said I don’t deliver my work when promised. Then, the company misses important client deadlines. I try to set my timelines according to what others want. But now I’m under fire and my job is on the line.
Katie
Dear Katie,
You’re suffering from the good girl syndrome—trying to please and accommodate others—but hurting yourself in the process. Telling people what they want to hear pleases them in the moment but screws you in the end. A bad girl asks--what can I do to take care of myself? Take care of yourself by setting realistic timelines. It’s better to disappoint others up front but please them in the end. People remember endings much more than beginnings.
Boulder Bad Girls
SEX
Dear Bad Girls,
I have a unique sexual problem with my boyfriend. Every time I am on the verge of climaxing, he starts to crack his knuckles. It totally interrupts the flow of things and I quickly lose interest. I’m afraid to say anything. What should I do?
Distraught in Bed
Dear Distraught in Bed,
First, ask yourself: what would a bad girl do? A bad girl takes control of her sexual satisfaction; she does not passively wait for her partner to do it for her. Nor does she let her partner sabotage her orgasmic moments. Second, I would recommend sending the knuckle-cracker to a shrink for a little decompression. If he refuses, I would tell him to put his fingers to better use—satisfying, instead of distracting you. Then, when his fingers are busy doing something climactic, you can reach sexual bliss without the noise of one hand cracking.
Boulder Bad Girls
BODY AND SOUL
I am a very slender woman—5’9” tall and 135 lbs. Recently, my boyfriend told me that I could stand to lose 10 lbs. Since then, I have been nervous that he thinks I’m too heavy. I’m afraid he won’t be sexually attracted to me if I don’t lose weight. What should I do?
Molly
Dear Molly,
It’s not weight you need to lose, but your boyfriend. Bad girls don’t starve for love. Neither should you. Question your boyfriend’s motives and perspective before you question yourself. Internalizing this message will only make you insecure and possibly sick. These types of messages sew the seeds for eating disorders.
Bad girls choose men who enhance their well being. Guys who don’t are not qualified to be with a bad girl. Tell him your position: love me as is, or leave me. Then, eat your heart out and feel liberated from the body nazi.
Boulder Bad Girls
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